"Abscond: to move in a mysterious way, particularly with the posessions of another." --Ambrose Bierce, Devil's Dictionary
Here is a link to an excellent article of Wilson's on Spurgeon:
Topic title is "Spurgeon the Great"
As I do not have a sense of humor, I have to make do with the humors sensed in others. Here are a few quotes (of Spurgeon's) that seemed appropriate.
"The Christian minister should also be very cheerful. I don’t believe in going about like certain monks whom I saw in Rome, who salute each other in sepulchral tones, and convey the pleasant information, 'Brother, we must die:' to which lively salutation each lively brother of the order replies, 'Yes, brother, we must die.' I was glad to be assured upon such good authority that all these lazy fellows are about to die; upon the whole, it is about the best thing they can do; but till that event occurs, they might use some more comfortable form of salutation."
"Moreover, brethren, avoid the use of the nose as an organ of speech, for the best authorities are agreed that it is intended to smell with."
"The next best thing to the grace of God for a preacher is oxygen. Pray that the windows of heaven may be opened, but begin by opening the windows of your meeting-house."