The Book of Insults

A few commonplaces from Nancy McPhee's The Book of Insults. Enjoy, imbibe, liberally apply.

You may have genius. The contrary is, of course, probable.
Oliver Wendell Holmes

I have always thought that every woman should marry, and no man.
Benjamin Disraeli

Sir, a woman's preaching is like a dog's walking on his hind legs. It is not done well; but you are surprised to find it done at all.
Samuel Johnson

A cucumber should be well sliced, and dressed with pepper and vinegar, and then thrown out, as good for nothing.
Samuel Johnson

Sir, you have but two topics, yourself and me. I am sick of both.
Samuel Johnson, to Boswell

Twenty million young women rose to their feet with the cry "We will not be dictated to," and promptly became stenographers.
G. K. Chesterton

I do desire we may be better strangers.
William Shakespeare

They have committed false report; moreover, they have spoken untruths; secondarily, they are slanders; sixth and lastly, they have belied a lady; thirdly, they have verified unjust things; and to conclude, they are lying knaves.
William Shakespeare

They never open their mouths without subtracting from the sum of human knowledge.
Thomas Reed (Speaker of the House, commenting on members of Congress)

Wagner's music is better than it sounds.
Mark Twain

Is Wagner a human being at all? Is he not rather a disease?
Friedrich Nietzsche

The way Bernard Shaw believes in himself is very refreshing in these atheistic days when so many people believe in no God at all.
Israel Zangwill

Yes, I am proud; and must be proud, to see
Men not afraid of God afraid of me.
Alexander Pope

He is old enough to know worse.
Wilde

One of those characteristic British faces that, once seen, are never remembered.
Wilde

A cynic is a man who knows the price of everything and the value of nothing.
Wilde

Bernard Shaw is an excellent man; he has not an enemy in the world, and none of his friends like him.
Wilde

I dislike arguments of any kind. They are always vulgar, and often convincing.
Wilde

He could charm an audience an hour on a stretch without ever getting rid of an idea.
Twain

When some men discharge an obligation, you can hear the report for miles around.
Twain

It could probably be shown by facts and figures that there is no distinctively native American criminal class except Congress.
Twain

I admire him, I frankly confess it; and when his time comes I shall buy a piece of the rope for a keepsake.
Twain (on Cecil Rhodes)

Blessings,
J. Broussard